August 29

Well, I got my first tattoo - or should I say tattoos - today.

I went to my appointment with my Radiation Oncologist - Dr. Sause - and he set-up my radiation schedule. While I was there, they marked me with these little metal things and ran me through some sort of CT scanner. When I was done - they gave me little black pinhead sized tattoos on my chest and sides so they can line-up - with laser beams (every time I hear the word laser - I think of Mike Meyers as Dr. Evil in Austin Powers - fingers up in quotation marks - it makes me smile) and hit the right spot each treatment.

I will have 30 treatments in all. Basically - it will be 6 weeks - Monday through Friday - I will start Monday, September 15th and have my last treatment on Friday - October 24th. It only takes about 15 minutes for the treatment. I will start during my lunch breaks and change over to mornings

Dr. Sause assured me that this will not be a big deal and I should feel quite well - especially compared to chemo - while I am having the treatment. I certainly hope this is the case.

I know I am feeling better this past week since I have had several press checks and have been on my feet – standing around – all week at work and haven’t felt like I’m about to pass out. This is an improvement over the weeks during chemo. I really feel I am starting to get some of my strength and energy back.

Late last week and earlier this week – I was having some trouble sleeping. Dr. Morgan’s office has helped me and I am back to getting a good 8 hours each night – which I desperately need.

Work has been CRAZY busy. I was talking with Shawna about it and she said it’s a good thing that I’m not in the middle of chemo right now. A very true statement. I have had several HUGE projects going and printing all at the same time. I had 15 press checks – that means 15 trips to the printer – for one project - a coffee table book that we did for one of our clients. I got my first sample today. It turned out great – thank heavens. We’ve had several other projects going and this past month has been really busy for me. I’m taking a week off in a couple of weeks and going to the Tetons and Jackson. I need a break.

I will have a mammogram next week. Wish me luck. I don’t know that I will need it – but it can’t hurt.

I’m looking forward to the long weekend. No big plans – but after such a busy few weeks – I can use a little break.

And – drum roll please – I have fuzz on my head. It’s like baby hair fuzz. I should start seeing some real hair sprouts in the next couple of weeks. Yeah!!

Love you all! Thanks for still thinking of me and praying for me. I still need it.

Cyn

August 22

Well, today is the first Friday I won’t have chemo based on my chemo schedule. Yeah!!!

I have been doing okay the last couple of weeks. I still don’t have very much energy and feel pretty pathetic when it comes to my strength. I am, however, doing well and looking forward to feeling better in the coming days.

I have an appointment with my Radiation Oncologist next Friday. I will have my schedule for radiation from that appointment. I will also be having a mammogram the first week of September. I feel like everything will be okay and I will be cured of this nasty cancer.

I have been amazed at how many people I have heard about having cancer in the last couple of months. I am sure that it is because of my situation, but so many people have loved ones or friends that are going through their own trials. In fact, our sweet friend Betsey Berge could sure use our prayers as her Mother has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

I feel so blessed to have been able to catch my cancer in the early stages and have done as well as I have through my treatment so far. So many suffer much more than I have and my heart really goes out to them.

My nose is still running and I keep feeling like I might be fighting a summer cold or sinus thing. I have no idea what is going on with that. I can’t wait until I can stop using box upon box of tissue. I literally dripped a couple of times on some printer proofs I was going over the other day right in front of my vendor and co-worker. It’s so annoying.

No hair, anywhere. But, I have been assured that over the next 4 – 6 weeks, I should see some results. It will be interesting to see the color and texture it will come back in as.

Thanks again to all of you for your love and support. You have made the last few months much easier for me to get through.

Cyn

August 11

So, on Friday I had my last chemo treatment. YEAH!!!

Dr. Morgan was very nice and said I had done really well through my treatments and said it was great that I had been able to have all of my treatments on schedule. I took his office some cupcakes from Mrs. Backers to celebrate. I had no idea that Shawna had also made some of her famous chocolate-chip-pecan-oatmeal cookies to bring to my treatment as well. We left them on a major sugar high with a copy of Shawna’s recipe. They really are the best in the world. I tell her this all the time.

My hands and feet were feeling a little weird after my pervious treatment, so I actually got a reduced treatment – about 80% - for my last treatment. I shouldn’t have any permanent problems with this, but Dr. Morgan thought he would give me a reduced treatment to potentially help insure that. I have a meeting with my Radiation Oncologist – Dr. Sause – later this month and should probably start radiation some time mid-September. I’m so grateful that the chemo part of my treatment is behind me and I can start recuperating over the next weeks. I can see the end of the tunnel and I’m very grateful.

When I got home from my treatment on Friday, on my porch was the most gorgeous flower arrangement. Some of my friends went in together to send me a congratulations on my last treatment. They are so sweet!

A couple of weeks ago, Camille showed up with Betsey Berge and Shawna and brought over my finished quilt. I simply love it! I brought it to the office to let everyone at work see it. Shawna even made sure my dog Atticus was able to contribute a square. She is sneaky. Camille, thanks so much! What a huge undertaking. I appreciate you doing the quilt for me and will treasure it always.

I am doing okay, physically. Over the last few weeks, my energy level has started to get worse, but should hopefully start to pick-up now that I am done with my chemo. I haven’t been nearly as nauseated since switching pain meds and I haven’t had to barf in about 4 weeks. That has been really nice.

I didn’t feel well yesterday – Sunday is always my bad day – and Perry Clegg and James Martineau brought me the Sacrament to my house. That was very nice of them.

I have some really busy weeks ahead of me at work. I am in the middle of some huge projects. I would be traveling to Chicago for a press check if I was up to it next week, but my co-worker is going instead. It’s probably a good thing since I will need to be here for a slew of press checks on a coffee table book we are producing for one of our clients.

Thanks again to all of you for your prayers and concern. They really have been what has kept me going and kept my spirits up through this treatment. I bore my testimony in F&T Meeting on the 3rd and thanked those in my Ward for their prayers, blessings, everything. Thanks to EVERYONE for everything you have done for me during this trial. It has not been easy, and so many of you have made the burden lighter.

Love you all!

Cyn

July 29

7 down – 1 to go! YEAH!!!

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated my blog. I could give a list of excuses, but that’s really all they would be.

I had my 2nd Taxol treatment on July 11th. My doctor and tech were able to give me a different kind of pain killer and – honestly – it made all of the difference in the world. My weeks between my last treatments – as far as the pain went – were so much better. Also, the medication didn’t make me sick. I didn’t hurl once between treatments 6 and 7 – a record.

I have still been going to work and have been able to take care of most of the things at the office. Some of my great co-workers have been going on press checks occasionally for me when I am really having a difficult time. Standing around is hard for me right now. I’m done after about a half hour. Everyone at work has been really great to me during this whole trial. I appreciate them all so much.

Last week, I was able to go to Marian Decker’s for a visit with Roz and friends. It was so good to see everyone. I just love Roz and I’m so happy to see that she is so happy. I also got to see Shellly, Karen, Susan Frost, several girls I haven’t seen in a while. And, Marian made the most amazing lemon zucchini cookies. They are honestly so good. And, Connie Kitchen’s rubbed my neck and back for me. Now, she has the magic touch. I suppose that shouldn’t be a surprise since she is a certified massage therapist.

I was also able to have some people over to grill and celebrate the 24th. It was so nice to socialize and mingle. One of the hardest things over the last few months has been feeling a little isolated and not being able to be as social as I usually am. It is really nice for me when I get to see some friends or someone just stops in to say Hi!

On the 24th – I started feeling like I was coming down with a cold or something. My sinuses and eyes have been watery and runny throughout my entire treatment – so it’s hard to say when it’s something other than just dealing with the effects of the chemo. Friday – I woke up with killer sinuses that were so sore and my throat was getting sore. I would have had my chemo treatment that day on my usual schedule, but my doctor’s office took the day off and gave their employees a long weekend and scheduled me to have chemo yesterday on the 28th. I called the answering service on Friday and got Dr. Morgan’s associate – Dr. Prystas – and she called in a Z-pac for me. I felt quite rotten all weekend.

Frankly, I was really bummed that I didn’t feel well this past weekend. I thought that since I had 2 weekends in a row with no treatment that I would be feeling up to actually going out and doing something. I was really hopeful I could go kayaking on the Weber with some friends on Saturday. As it was, I stayed home and rested pretty much all weekend. Sunday, I went to a different ward to hear Bart and Liz Warner speak – they are back from serving in Dallas, TX as Mr. and Mrs. Mission President. They seemed great. It was really good to see them. Afterward, I went home and rested some more.

On Sunday, I had a great visit and prayer with my visiting teachers – Catherine Nelson and Stephanie Skaggs. Later that night, Bishop Foster and Brother Knowlton – thanks to Catherine for asking them – came over and gave me another blessing. I have to admit that the Priesthood Blessings I have received during this trial have made such a difference for me. I have had a blessing when I was going through an especially difficult time or there seemed to be a hurdle to get over. They have meant so much to me and I know that I have received so many tangible blessings from these worthy Priesthood holders laying there hands on my head and calling on the powers of heaven on my behalf. The blessing Bishop Foster gave me on Sunday was simply awesome. I will never forget it.

Sunday night, we had a pretty decent storm come through that knocked down some branches in my back yard and blew over my arched bench. It took off the top of my little Japanese maple. It still looks sort of okay – but made me sad. Poor little tree.

I was a little worried that they wouldn’t give me my chemo treatment yesterday. I wasn’t sure how sick you could be and have them give it to you. I felt somewhat better, but was still a little iffy when I went to my appointment. They checked my blood count and told me I should be good to go. So, I had my treatment. Yeah!!!! It’s interesting that you can actually really hope they will give you a treatment. I just SO want to stay on schedule.

I’m feeling pretty well today and am at work. I’m even getting caught-up on some filing I have been putting off for a month or so. I usually have pretty good energy the day after my treatments from the steroids they give me in the drip. Tomorrow – I will start feeling like pooh on toast again for a few days.

I’m down to about 3 eyelashes on each eye and am learning some great techniques to make me look like I have some eyebrows. I actually tried some fake eyelashes the other day and I just felt that I looked like a huge tranny. I probably won’t go that route.

Liz Hale still keeps bringing me meals and treats on a weekly basis. Thanks so much to her. What a doll. Also, Donna Hill brought me some great eats a couple of weeks ago and Marian, Connie and Karen Hunter are bringing me some this week. You’re all so sweet. Thanks a bunch. I haven’t had a problem feeding myself, but it is nice to not have to worry about it. I had to cancel on my friend Scott because of a work thing. Hopefully, we will make it another time.

Shawna is still checking on me daily and I can highly recommend her as the best lawn boy that is a girl that you could possibly have. She does so much for me. And, Michael and Bruce are on water heater patrol this week. What would I do without you guys?

Thanks so much to all of you that have offered and keep offering to help me. It’s hard to know what to ask for and, frankly, it’s just hard to ask, period. But thanks for the offers. And, know that it still goes that your prayers on my behalf are the thing I need the most.

I know I have mentioned this before, but it is hard on the really bad days to feel that I am being blessed and remember all of the blessings I have received. Luckily, there are not too many of those days and, for the most part, I have felt so blessed and comforted during this trial. I am so grateful that things have gone as well as they have. I know there is still some road ahead – it may be quite a while before I am feeling up to par – but there haven’t been as many bumps as there could have been and I have been truly blessed on the journey so far. I will have another mammogram after I fnish chemo and will start radiation treatments in the middle of September sometime. They will last about 4 or 5 weeks - every day Monday through Friday. After that, I will be on some type of hormone therapy and will be in maitenance mode.

My friends in the know are telling me I should have some hair for Christmas. What a nice gift that will be.

I know that I will continue to be blessed and Bishop Foster, along with others, has assured me that after this trial of my faith – other blessings will be in store. I’m hoping for that. In fact, I’m counting on that.

Thanks again to everyone for their love and concern. I wouldn’t get through this without you.

And – drum roll please – I have my last chemo treatment a week from this Friday. I can’t believe it! The Chinese picked 08/08/08 to begin the Olympics because it is supposed to be a very lucky day. I can tell you, it will certainly be a very lucky – or as the Chinese would say – a vely rucky day for me.

Cyn

July 9

This week has been better so far. The pain is all but gone. I still feel a little achy in some of my joints, but overall – I feel much improved from last week. It’s great how you get feeling just good enough before they blast you with another round of chemo. After this Friday’s treatment – I will only have 2 treatments left. I can’t begin to say how happy I am about that. August 8th – a day that will reign as one of the best ever days of all time.

My eyebrows and eyelashes are barely hanging in there. I told Shawna that I’m starting to have to sort of pencil in my brows and I’m starting to look like the leader of a Ladies Bowling Team. She told me that I should go bowling to see if this will help my score. I would, but don’t have the energy for that sort of nonsense right now. Even on the best of days – bowling is nonsense.

My energy level has been very low since this last treatment. I am always so tired. Honestly, it is a big day for me if I have enough energy after work to go to Albertsons on a quick errand. I am usually in bed between 9 and 10 p.m. This is the first time since grade school that I have gone to bed so early. But, sleeping is just the best. I heart sleeping.

I played Let’s Make a Deal with Heavenly Father and told him that I really want to go to the temple this week and do Initiatory. I told that him I want to go but need to feel good enough to go. I think I’m actually going to make it tonight. I’m so glad.

I had another great blessing this past Sunday from Brother Knowlton after Sacrament Meeting. The blessings are really helping me get through this trial. Last week was very difficult and having another blessing has helped a lot.

I didn’t do too much over the 4th of July weekend, but was able to take Atticus to the park across from Hogle Zoo so he could do a little swimming and run around like a spaz on Friday. He LOVES the water. Saturday, I spent some time working in my yard. As I was trimming my rose bushes – an analogy came to my mind.

When it comes to gardening – sometimes you have to really cut and whack at something to make it grow to be more beautiful. I think that is how it us with us and our trials. God gives us trials to help us grow and become more beautiful – more like Him – more like Christ. I hope that is what is happening for me in the middle of this trial. I really want to grow and learn all I can from this and hope I don’t get in the way of my own education.

Thanks – again and again – to all of you for your love, concern and prayers.

Cyn

July 3

This has been a hard week so far.

The pain from my Taxol treatment started kicking in Sunday night and was working full force Monday and Tuesday. It’s hard to explain what it feels like. It’s flu-achy times ten. The hardest thing has not been sleeping all that well no matter what I take to help.

Tuesday was the worst day I have had so far since this whole thing started. Not only is the chemo messing with different aspects of my body, but it is making a royal mess of my hormones. I felt so bad – hadn’t had much sleep – and cried like a baby a few times. There were also some work situations that made it a difficult day. I called my doctor’s office to see what the deal was with the pain and if it was really going to be this bad. The nurse/tech told me that I wasn’t taking enough pain meds and I needed to take more. I left a little early that day and took more once I got home. Only problem was – within a couple of hours – they totally made me barf. And, I mean barf.

I sat there wondering what the heck I was supposed to do. I need the pain meds for the pain – but can’t take them because they make me barf. I waited until right before I went to bed and took a pill with my Lorezpam. Luckily – I didn’t barf and was able to get a decent night’s sleep.

Gratefully the pain has not been as bad the last couple of days. It’s more to the flu-achy part. I’m sticking to Advil and not taking any more Loritab at the moment. And, thank heavens for Lorazepam. It has saved my life during these chemo treatments. I don’t know that I could get any sleep without it.

There are days during these treatments that I feel like a total wuss and want to call my doctor and tell him thanks, but no thanks to any more treatments. It is a good thing that by the time I have my next treatments, I am usually feeling much better. You couldn’t drag me there in the initial days after my treatments.

I got an email from Camille Thorpe yesterday and she and her cute Mom were quilting on my quilt last night and asked if I wanted to stop by. Even though I didn’t feel great, I really wanted to stop by for a visit and see it. It’s so amazing. It totally made me cry. It is so sweet of her to put this together for me and so sweet of everyone that made a square for me. This will be something I will treasure until my dying breath.

There are squares from friends from work, church, etc. There are still some blank squares if anyone still wants to really sign one. It is such a lovely gesture and I am so excited to have it.

Camille mentioned to me how great it is that I haven’t been missing work. I told her it’s not that I’m tough or this is easier for me than it is for others. I really think it’s that I’m stubborn and just don’t want to sit around my house any more than I already do. Most nights when I get home from work, I sit around my house and recoup. It gets very old very fast and I would rather be at work if I possibly can.

I knew when the treatments started that this summer would be a bit of a wash and that it really would be a summer of enduring more than a summer of getting to do the stuff I usually get to do. It’s hard some days watching the world do their usual thing and go about their lives and not being able to do the things I usually do. I keep reminding myself that it really isn’t much longer and this will indeed be over sooner than later. I really want to get out there and do some stuff, but I just don’t feel up to it.

As I said before, no matter how bad things get, the comfort always comes. I told Shawna the other night that it’s hard to understand why things need to be as hard as they are sometimes. We both agreed that this is where your faith comes in. Whether you are praying for yourself or praying for someone you love, it hard to not see the immediate miracle or understand why the burden isn’t lifted. If you can exercise your faith, in time, you really will see the miracles and the burdens lifted – maybe not the way you have been asking for it – but in other, even greater ways.

A week does not go by where I don't hear from someone about how they are praying for me, putting my name on temple prayers rolls, etc. Sweet President Sam on Sunday told me he and Liz are praying for me. I said, I know. I do know. I know because I can feel the prayers. I can feel them working for me. On the really bad days, all I have to do is think about all of your prayers and fasting for me and I feel better just thinking about it.

Thanks again to everyone for their love, concern and prayers on my behalf. I know that my treatments are working and I am going to be cured of the cancer. I know I am going to get on the other side of this and be able to continue to live a happy, healthy life. Thanks for helping me know this.

Cyn

June 30

First, I want to thank everyone who fasted and prayed for me last week. Again, I can’t begin to tell you what it means to me. I know that your prayers are what are sustaining me through this trial.

My treatment on Friday went well. I didn’t have any sort of allergic reaction. Sweet Betsy Hintze came to my appointment with me and we had a really nice visit. They administer the Taxol much slower than my previous treatments. We were there for over four hours. I won’t have to be pre-treated with steroids for my next treatments since I did okay with the first one.

I felt quite well Friday night – much better than the night after my other treatments. I did have a problem sleeping though. I think the steroids they had me take may have counteracted the other drugs that should have helped me sleep. I didn’t get much sleep Friday night. I felt pretty good on Saturday – did some yard work and ran a couple of errands – but felt really tired and tried to rest and nap on Saturday afternoon.

My body refuses to nap during daylight hours. I don’t know why. I have never been able to take a nap. It sucks that this is the case. I could have really used one on Saturday.

I got some decent sleep Saturday night but still felt really tired on Sunday. I did, however, want to go to church. Bishop Foster had put together a great meeting and I knew I wanted to be there for it. I also wanted to make sure I was there to hear President Clark and President Aldredge speak in Sacrament Meeting. I felt a little out of it but managed to make it through the meetings. I was glad I could attend. The meetings were so good and I got a lot out of them.

I went home and took it easy last night. The tech told me that on day 3 or 4, I could start having some leg pain and feel a like I have the flu. Well, last night, I had leg pain and felt like I had the flu. I didn’t sleep very well. I hate it when I can’t sleep – especially right now. I need all of the sleep I can get. I called my doctors office this morning and they told me the leg pain can last 3 – 4 days or so. They are going to get me some meds to help with the pain and help me sleep.

I’m tired today, but feeling okay. I have not had really any nausea with the new treatment. YEAH!!! So, the trade-off is leg pain, which is kind of bad, but I’m sure I’ll survive. There are other symptoms that can come as well, but I’m hopeful they will be minor.

So, only three more chemo treatments to go and I will be done with the stuff. So far, I am staying healthy and well enough to keep having my treatments. I’m still on schedule to have my last chemo treatment on August 8th. That seemed a long ways out a couple of months ago. I can’t believe how fast the time is flying during these treatments. Don’t get me wrong, it is very hard, but they will be over soon. I can’t wait.

I have opted to not teach Gospel Doctrine during the rest of my treatments and until I am feeling really well again. It is something I really love to do, but was becoming a little overwhelming to me. Cinda Morgan is going to substitute teach for me until I am ready to come back. I’m so grateful to her. It has helped to get that off my plate for the time being.

I keep feeling very blessed during this trial. There are days and nights when it can get petty bad, but the comfort always comes. I do sometimes wonder just what it is that I’m supposed to learn from this trial. I just hope that whatever it is, I am learning all I can and keeping the hope and faith.

Again, there was a woman who was getting chemo at the same time that I was last Friday. She just found out a couple of weeks ago that she has stomach cancer and is terminal with about a year to live. Unreal. There are so many people that suffer so much. It certainly makes me grateful for my prognosis and treatment.

Thanks to all of you that have called or emailed and show me your constant concern. I sometimes don’t answer my phone when I’m trying to rest, but the calls are appreciated none-the-less. I have actually been able to be a little social the last couple of weeks and went to a get together at Angie Vrien’s for a little while and even made book club last week. It’s hard to get out sometimes, but so nice to see some people and have some interaction. I hope I can continue to do that over the last weeks of my treatment.

Thanks again to all of you for your love and concern. I don’t know what I would do without you.

Cyn